As with everything in our lives, times change and so do marriages. Every marriage and every relationship is in a constant state of flux. Often this can be perceived in a negative light but in reality, it is normal and healthy. A constant state of flux simply means it changes. As with everything and everyone, coping with change is part of managing a relationship. Making the most of change where possible, helps us remain compatible with it. It is nature, it is like the changing season, we wear coats and hats in winter, and shorts and light clothing in summer, all to adapt to the environment. We accept this change as it is out of our control. When then, do we expect other things out of our control to remain the same and not make an effort to adapt?
Nature shows adaptation in plants and animals, we are no different. However, people often have difficulty adapting to change in marriage. This is something we all experience and something, we must make an effort to accommodate. In the following article, I hope to help you by providing you with tools to guide you through transition.
Tip 1. Accept the situation and decide to make the best of it. How does this change affect you? How/can you embrace this change and make it work for you? Sometimes a change can be made beneficial for you thus changing a possible negative to a positive. Can this change be positive for you both and made into a couples thing? Consider this as an option.
Tip 2. Develop a system of communication that allows both partners to discuss how to manage specific change without adding to the stress of the change. Both people need to be open to discussion and have the same goal of problem solving. Developing effective communication and avoiding arguing is a skill that can be developed at any stage of a relationship and will be beneficial in all aspects of marriage.
Tip 3. Try and discover new things about your partner to love. You may know them for decades but there is always something you can learn. Try some new experiences together and you may be surprised what you find out in how your partner reacts to those experiences. You may even find yourself admiring how your partner succeeds in this activity and you could create a new bond in developing skills together.
Tip 4. The person you fell in love with is still there. Remember what aspects you fell in love with and try and recreate them. This can remind you of the feeling you felt during the honeymoon period or later. Sometimes, we just need to revive the feeling to experience it again. Exciting is still exciting even after years. Laughter is still laughter. Your spouse is still your spouse. Just a new improved version!
It is a rare occurrence that someone changes so drastically, that you can no longer see the person you fell in love with. The love is still there, sometimes it just needs to be rekindled. Your compatibility is still there, you simply have to navigate the path of communication and openness to achieve what you once felt. Marriage is not a stagnant or consistent thing. You have to learn to embrace it, navigate it and make the most of it. Just remember you are in it together, share the load and share the same goal of continual success.
